Docking Hazards
by Archer'sEnsign
Summary: A rude alien doesn't know how to say "hi" nicely


Kim Cambron Careen 04/14/04 Per.1 Composition 2 Pg. 40 Disclaimer: I don't own any of the culture of Star Trek, just borrowing it for writing, hopefully a good story....  
  
Docking Hazards  
  
What was supposed to be a routine docking procedure, turned out to be worse than a drunken, backward swing dance. It started with the Angorede merchant trader announcing, rather abruptly that he was coming alongside the stern and staying there indefinitely. When the Captain asked him to please say who he was, the fellow got quite rude, and said that he expected a "royal escort" by the time he got out of the airlock. I suppose along with a Tea Service and fluffy bathrobe to boot!, mused Archer. "Well, sir, just dock carefully next to our ship and while I can't promise immediate refreshments I can definitely provide a security detail to be there instead....we are not used to being ordered to serve impromptu guest but this time, we will make an exception", spoke Captain Archer. "Very well but not o.k." responded Mr. Angorede The next noise they heard was a screeching, then high-pitched whine, followed by a series of thudded, stutters. The Captain lowered his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Is there a problem, Mr....?" "You docking clamps are not compatible with mine, why do you not have Grade ZX ones? Only everybody with a meter of sense knows those are the only ones to have attached to their vessel." "We assure, we do just fine with what we currently have and ours are special made for our type of fleet. Maybe if you disengaged very slowly we could attach your ship to our hull with our side grappling cables, until we can fashion you some extended clamps to accommodate you." "I shall attempt this odd idea of yours". Next a jarring of the bridge happened, and then a big impact rocked the crew almost out of their chairs. "What in blazes are you doing to my ship out there, Sir?!" growled Archer "It appears some strange lights came on when I sided up to your ship, they shocked me so suddenly, I hit my accelerator switch, and the right-steering navigational controls instead. You should warn your guests that you will do such actions when you tell them specific directions to concentrate on." "I am deeply sorry....I ever met you....please accept my apologies. The lights were to warn you that the grapplers were coming on-line, I should have let you know in the first place." sighed the Captain, as he sat down in his chair, and signaled Ensign Sato to bring him a cup of herbal tea, and have an aspirin from Sickbay sent down. "Please just hover next to our ship and I'll send two individual crewman out to position your craft for a safe docking. Just sit back and relax" Then a quick, loud backfire was heard throughout the bridge and a small craft zoomed backwards past the center of the Enterprise's viewscreen. A loud hollering could be heard by the crew, as they stared unbelievingly at what they were seeing. The craft skidded to a halt, and let out an actual bellow of "smoke"-manifold exhaust-from its "tailpipe". By this time the E- Crew was just waiting in bored fascination to see, hear, or experience the next antic. Travis was leaning back in his chair, with his legs crossed, Hoshi was sitting with her elbows propped up on her consol, and Malcolm was just sitting on the side of his station, with his arms crossed over his chest, humming a British sea-faring tune. "Sir, I need to know if you still have communication with us, are you alright?" said the Captain from under his closed eyes and slouched sitting position. "I am o.k. Mr. Starfleet, I just leaned back to "relax" as you stiffly told me too, and the backward gear-shift got in the way of my resting space. I will see you crewman out in five minutes to tow me back and safely dock me to you ship, then have a private dinner while your engineers make repairs to any injuries you may have caused my ship." Archer just goggled at the viewscreen, then scowled. T'Pol bit down on her right-lower lip, she was so puzzled by all these turn of events. "No I have a better idea, Mr. A. I will transport you out and have the original security detail I told you about earlier waiting for you, next to the airlock you will be beamed to. Then they will dine with you in the brig. We will trade with you because the only way I am letting you on this ship is to exchange cultural information, star charts, and the dilithium coordinates you mentioned before. We will give you extensive journals about Earth's history, especially ones concerning Etiquette. You then will get back on your ship, and head straight for the nearest space station, where you can enjoy some hospitality from the residents there, and catch-up on your reading of new information you will have received from us. How does that sound?" There was an abrupt silence on the bridge, followed by a few weak coughs coming over the comm. lines from the shuttlecraft. "If you say so, which you should have announced in the beginning to avoid earlier confusion." "That's quite alright, we'll be seeing you soon." Archer signaled Hoshi to "take the phone off the hook". He then turned to Reed and said, "Notify a security team of their assignment, and tomorrow night you get the night off..." He swiveled around to T'Pol and smiling asked, "It would make me really happy if I could explain all this to you over dinner tonight, especially since Trip will be busy with repairs and won't cause interruption in my explaining to you what just went on this afternoon." "That would be quite suitable, Captain. I will go complete duty rosters in my quarters, meditate, then freshen up and meet you a 1900 hours, sir." T'Pol nodded to the crew and exited the bridge. Archer looked around at his crew, and said "Travis you have the bridge, I'm going to go stretch my legs and give 'ol Port a walk too. Then make sure our guest is....comfy." With that Captain Archer walked across the bridge, and entered the turbolift, whistling the same song Malcolm had been humming earlier... 


End file.
